just-another-girl

Sunday Relationship

2009-07-11T20:48:00.012+10:00

Like the pounding of the ocean, to the man who lives by the docks,
Or the smell of peaches, to the farmer after a day in the orchard.
A glass of grape juice to the alcoholic, after a bottle of wine.
Perhaps the sound of rain, during the monsoon season.
The taste of chocolate to the girl with compulsive overeating.
Salt spray in the face of a fisherman, at the end of a long days work.
Resembling a business mans time with family, while worried about a client,
What the man partially blind can see, of the night sky's splendor;
Words of praise to the successful, after a standing ovation.
Advice to the teenager, bent on experiencing rebellion.
An unknown visitor at the back of the church,
Is God worshiped on Sundays – Forgotten on Monday

Harlot

2009-07-10T00:26:00.009+10:00

The allure of my lovers is enticing
I pour my heart into them,
And they take from me,
Empty I am ashamed,
Because I know,
I have little left to offer
The one who romanced me with the spring rain
Delighted me with the sound of laughter
Warmed me with smiles,
Held me with love.

Breathing Underwater

2009-07-09T23:07:00.008+10:00

Unrelenting tsunami,
Sweeping in, encroaching
Slowly rising,
From a cleverly disguised fault in the sea.
Silently building, until you were.
A violent wave pounding,
And batter in the door.
Oh you trixter, who swept back leaving,
Wreckage all over the floor.
I thought at least, you left me dry.
But a second wave, a second onslaught
And you caught me up.
You cannot be outrun,
But I fled in hopes of a miracle
There was no high ground
I am on a flat plain, at your mercy.
Defeated I fell
To your power I surrendered
For I knew God would not part the waters this time,
And as you swept over me
I watched the banana leaves,
Swaying peacefully in the breeze,
Under a carpet of stars.
Is this my last sight?
Lord let me live!
He did not let me down.
The Lord gave me air
He did not let me drown.
Slowly you retreated,
And I retraced my steps,
There were no more waves
But the ripples you cast,
Continue to ripple through my life.
Across the oceans, over many seas,
They reach wherever I am.
And though you have long since passed,
Your damage still remains
I still wonder sometimes if I can breathe
Still I fear a new pursuit
But slowly fears too shall dissolve
Until they are evaporated by the son
And sometimes
I can even thank God
That he let me weather the storm
Because I never before,
Experienced breathing underwater.

NO REGRETS – Drive fast.

2008-02-13T22:21:00.001+11:00

I got in the car when I was just a kid
Used to live as a passenger
With my parents
My only navigator.

Life’s done a 180
Now I’m the driver
But I ask what sort of driver
Am I doing to be?
I wanna try this life thing
My own way
I wanna live this life thing
For this day!

I’ve stopped being the back seat driver
I lost the L’s
And here I am to stay
How long I cannot say.
Your only young once,
Your only alive this one time
Life or deaths a moment
As a reaction to a choice

Life’s taken a 180
And this time I’m at the wheel
I’m on the open Highway
There is just one keeping my foot off the floor.
I wanna try this life thing
My own way
I wanna live this life thing
For this day!

Do I have to take care of myself?
Would you forgive my self-abuse?
Is it my right to self-sabotage?
Or is it like suicide that I have to put how you’d feel first?
I don’t want to die today, but let me self-sabotage okay?

Life’s done a 180
And I’m out for experience
No regrets, no regrets
I wanna try this life thing
My own way
I wanna live this life thing
For this day!

Just wanna be reckless
Drive at 20 over the speed limit, at least
Wanna accelerate,
Wanna scream,
Wanna drink, wanna flirt
But wanna retain me
Wanna be me
Just me.

Life’s done a 180
And my evil twin is at the wheel
Drink it down till I feel dizzy
Throw it up till I’m empty
I wanna try this life thing
My own way
I wanna live this life thing
For this day!

To what point do I have the right to risk my life
Cause I wanna be reckless wanna risk it all
For the sake of feeling Alive.
If my bodies a temple
I might be sacrilegious
If my life is sacred,
I am not too religious

Life’s done a 180
On the most dangerous road this side of death
I’m at the wheel
Just not sure if I’m gonna;
Floor it.
I wanna try this life thing
My own way
I wanna live this life thing
For this day!

Drive down the highway at twice the posted speed limit, alive
Cause I’m so close to death.
Break others rules till I’m only held by my own
Run the red light,
Scrape the Curb
We are going out tonight
And we’re not coming back till light.

Life’s done a 180
And I’m sure I’m not alone
The road is long and with my friends and family I’ll share
The driving, the road, this life.
I wanna try this life thing
My own way
I wanna live this life thing
For this day!

Who are my passengers?
Who are my dezzies?
On the road of life?
Who do I trust?
Who would I never risk?
Life’s a companions Journey.
In risking me I’m risking you
And if I crash its not gonna be alone,
If were gonna crash in life were gonna do it together
Cause it’s the only way I know how
Crash and burn.
So I’ll jump in your car cause we’ll live or die together
We’ll laugh or cry together
But most of all we wont be alone;
And we’ll feel alive.

her cross

2007-11-28T03:41:00.000+11:00

Sparkly cross of powdered blue,
Strung to her neck to match her shoes.
Strategically placed, low on her breast,
The cross it dangles, close to her chest.
Upside-down a cross she made,
A statement, of opposition, perhaps afraid.
A chain of beads in her hand it stays,
As she kneels down and prays.
Wears a cross to make her brave,
Wears a cross for promises made.
On a church altar a toddler sees
A weapon of death and pain for thieves
Symbol of triumph though it be,
Can I wear it round my neck that cross that made me free?
And if I did what would it mean,
A reminder of things believed, unseen,
Or a pretence of something it used to mean?

Beautiful girl

2007-11-26T22:53:00.000+11:00

Beautiful girl,
So damaged, so hurt; such pain,
Laughter dies in my heart,
As she cries.
Beautiful girl,
I love you.
I’d hold you tight,
Above this dark and painful world,
If only I had wings,
We’d fly to the stars
And hope, and dream and laugh.
My darling friend,
I’d hold you, and we’d cry,
Until we’d cried an ocean,
And left all the pain forgotten.
It’ll never go back the same, its all going to change,
I wouldn’t tell you but I wouldn’t lie,
But its gonna be alright.
We’ll learn the new rules,
And learn to live again in this new world.
I wish I could promise it’ll be alright,
But here tonight, at least in spirit I’m by your side,
And someday I believe you’ll be ok.
Beautiful girl it’ll be alright.
She’s in a better place tonight.

Fairy tail Girl

2007-06-10T17:31:00.001+10:00

Blonde with sparkling eyes,
Sweet, and young,
Most of all innocent.

That’s my fairytale girl.

Curious, scraped knees,
Sleepy eyes, honey spoon,
Most of all she’s innocent,

Their’s my fairytale girl.

Growing, tripping, tumbling
In a guilty whirl pool world,
Most of all loosing innocence,

Theirs no longer a fairytale for my fairytale girl.

Opened eyes, falling tears
Mistakes made, rash words spoken
But most of all, forgotten innocence,

Where’s my fairytale girl?

Sad memories, broken promises,
Mistakes; but here on bended knee,
Most of all she’s forgiven,

She’s no fairytale girl,
She’s a princess,
Daughter of a king.

I AM

2007-05-26T21:31:00.000+10:00

I am a child - yet older than my years,
I am a daughter - who sometimes rejects the father (God).
I am a friend - who tries not to have enemies
I am a poet - but still stumble over words.
I am a philosopher - who refuses to believe in ghosts (save the Holy Spirit.)
I am a dancer – learning the steps of life,
I am an actor – playing my daily part.
I am a dreamer, and I live nightmares,
I am a human being - who is by nature; imperfect,
Overall, I am, just a girl, trying to figure out who she is.

School

2007-05-11T19:53:00.000+10:00

Drooping eyelids, slouching backs,
Wandering minds and forgotten facts.
Pages of notes, worn out pens,
Late night working, never see friends.
Red biro marks, crossing out,
Checking spelling, unfinished tasks.
Silent tears, raging tantrums,
Anxiety attacks and final breakdowns.

ER - Emotionally Raw

2007-05-08T21:03:00.000+10:00

Please don’t tell; it will only hurt worse.
Don’t hold me close, it will awaken the hurt.
When you see its hurting me, I feel more pain.
So please for the moment, pretend its all ok.
Forget the scars, forget the tears,
Just forget you saw my need and fears.
It hurts too much to start to fix,
All the pieces falling to bits.
It can’t be done so just don’t try,
Don’t hold me close; it will make me cry.
But most of all, ignore my plea,
And just hold me close while I scream.

Eventually the tears will cease to flow,
My emotions drawn out, poison from the wound.
And when the tears are all cried out
There will be room again, for happiness.
So aggravate the wound, draw out the poison,
Because I’m not brave enough alone,
To free up the pain, so it can run free.
I’m emotionally raw but I can just hold on,
But don’t let me live that way.
Just hold me close and make me scream.
Make my world all fall apart,
So we can rebuild it, a new work of art.

Oblivion

2007-04-23T22:57:00.001+10:00

Tonight I want oblivion,
Tonight I want to forget what’s happening
I want it to all blur around be - inside me
Tonight I want to break my own rules
Forget today, tomorrow, and yesterday
Tonight I don’t want to set myself apart
I want to be lost
I want to forget,
Tonight; I want to shock you, and loose me.
I want to get drunk

Here I pay Tribute

2007-04-20T21:59:00.000+10:00

All the flowers died of sadness
And the sky forgot to rain,
And as the world was dying
It was thrown into decay
Your body fed the earth
Ash into the clay

The specs of your body
Flew around the world
To all the distant places
Of things you’ve seen and heard

I didn’t know your name
Or the perfume in your hair
But the things I do know
I treat with a reverence and care

You never knew me,
But there’s something that you did
You made an impression on who I am
On one we both love dearly

You were much more than I could say
Much more than I could know
And now all I’ll get to know
Is a ghost of who you were
But here I pay tribute
To the one I never knew.

Interaction is:

2007-04-16T22:48:00.001+10:00

Knowing when to laugh and when to cry
When to smile and when to sigh
Knowing how to love, despite the hate,
Being safe in love, or burned by hate
Hearing more than is meant.
Or being def to the deepest pools of meaning
Hiding a secret
Or to reveal,
And Knowing -
When not to cheapen the beauty of a deep moment,
With a lightness that cheapens the price of a soul.

Smokey

2007-04-10T21:33:00.001+10:00

I can still hear you in the night-time,
Amid the rustling leaves.
I can still see your eyes,
Bright and shining in the moonlight.
I can still hear you calling behind the mirrors of my imagination
I can see a reflection, of what I remember.

You made me laugh while you were hear,
You made me cry when you weren’t.
And your vices made you only the more precious to me.
When you disappeared, you left me with an ache of fear.

Now when I raise the curtain,
To peep into the dark,
All I see is my reflection staring back at me,
And the cold stark night.
I am forced once again to accept the truth that you are gone.

But still, every time I scan the darkness,
I hold my breath,
I hide from the figment of my imagination,
So that it will not disappear so soon,

Your memory is like a swirl of smoke,
I can see it, I know it’s silky outline,
But I can never grasp it,
And turn it into something real.

Whispers

2007-04-10T21:01:00.000+10:00

I, and then I, whisper
Though, dare I not reply,
Shhh, he’ll hear,
And again, I want him to.
Self – be suppressed.

Eyes averted,
Mind not so restrained
Answer the phone:

“Hello”
I love you – NO
“Hello”
Slam.
Connection cut,
“Hello?”
I can never let you know

Proverbs 14 vs 13

2007-02-28T22:22:00.001+11:00

"Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in greif."

Today in my church youth group we read through this chapter of proverbs, and I was struck by the truth and sadness of this verse.

It describes to me the way I sometimes feel. I'm a wear the heart on the sleve type person, people usually know if I'm upset. - then again, I like to think I'm pritty good at hiding it if I want... Who realy knows how much others see of the person beneth their skin. Anyway Ive been upset about some - stuff - what, even I am not entirely sure about, anyway, people kept asking me " Are you alright?" "Whats wrong?" "Are you ok?" - yeah I was ok, but still sad, depressed, down, close to leaking water from my eyes, overly emotional. The point is this verse made me think about how I sometimes act happy, even when I am cryng inside. How sometimes Laughter is hysterical - rather than happy, and that Joy is translucennt, and can be lost in an instant.

Mabye theirfore there is something more important to live for than the happy moments, and if thats true, life is more important than the sadest momnet..

Global Citisin/ Global World

2007-02-25T15:45:00.001+11:00

I am not an Australian citisin
Though I know the Auzzie Anthom
I am not an American
Though I could quote Robert Frost
I am not an Italian
Though I recognise the language
I am not a German
Though to their trace my heratage
I am not French,
Though I'd recognise the Monolisa
I do not belong to China
Though I've followed her history
I am not a Jew
But i'm affected by the fighting in Israel
I am not of Ireland, Iceland, Poland or Iraque
I am not of Japan or Africa
Though I dwell in one country,
I am a citizen of the world.

Spiral Act

2007-02-12T21:08:00.001+11:00

Ask for prase we think we deserve,
Despise truth we think we don’t need.

Gollop down crumbs of love,
Dollop out piles of spite/hate.

Scream so loud for truth -
We can’t hear it whisper.

Love our selves so much,
We hate any imperfection.

Want to hear nice things so much,
Well swallow down a lie.

Numb physical pain -
Suppress the Psychological.

Get used to death,
Well find something worse, to shock us into charity.

And then -

Ask for peace, thinking it impossible,
And - It is with that frame of mind.

We cripple ourselves with our words our minds our actions.

Confessions

2007-02-12T20:52:00.000+11:00

I care about you -
- more than I should
We are meant to be,
Nothing more than friends,

But...

I want you.
I dream of you.
And worse..

I love you.

(Written 6th Feb)

Just so you know

2006-11-28T22:36:00.000+11:00

Just so you know, Ill give you my love
Though I don’t know what I’ll get in return
Just so you know I offer my friendship
I hope you’ll decide to accept it
Just so you know I’ll give you support,
Even if I’m unaware why you’re crying

I don’t need you to give,
It just helps,
I don’t need you to accept,
But I hope you do

Just so you know, I’m not sure of my footing,
But just so you know, I can keep on giving.

Just so you know I do wonder if you need me,
But, Just so you know, I can go on wondering.

I just need help from the Lord, and continue to hope,
That the love I give, is accepted,
And some days, though I still wonder if it’s needed,
Wonder if it helps…

I wont steal the secrets from your heart,
I’ll share what your willing to give.
I don’t know how much friendship you’ll ever offer,
But just so you know,
Someone cares.

For Sal - Sweet Dreams

2006-11-19T22:07:00.000+11:00

Rise on clouds of imagination,
As your eyes close,
Cross the barrier between the living and the dreaming
Sweet dreams,
Allow wings of imagination
To take you to the places of your creation.

2006-11-12T21:35:00.000+11:00

I'd cry, but I've forgotten how.

2006-11-12T20:56:00.000+11:00

I’ve gone to bed with more cheerful thoughts, but I haven’t gone to sleep with sadder ones…

Desire

2006-10-25T22:04:00.000+10:00

You told me not to love you
You asked me just to care.
But I sometimes wonder,
Is there something their?

They say, they can see something more,
There just outsiders looking in.
But there eyes penetrate my core.
And they see a desire that shouldn’t be their.

It’s a pity that this is between me and you,
Because if it was me and them,
I’d love you.

Half full or half empty ~ A Philosophy

2006-10-12T01:16:00.000+10:00

Is the glass half full or half empty? If its half full you’re an optimist, if its half empty you’re a pessimist – so what dose that make me? I have my own philosophy, my maths teacher would probably be proud, because its logical thinking, but then maybe he’d just smile and shake his head. Anyhow, the way I see it, if you are in the act of filling up the glass its half full, if you’re in the act of emptying it, the glass is half empty! Its really quite simple.

So if I have this little philosophy, what dose that make me??

But there is a more important question here, what’s in the glass, because if it’s not anything great, for example if your talking about how many dishes left on the sink to dry up, maybe saying its half empty makes you optimistic! - Who knows!

So what’s your philosophy?

Favours

2006-10-11T23:37:00.000+10:00

I've got a favour to ask you... and it would mean sooo much to me!

Favours are funny things, if a favour means doing something that feels uncomfortable, scary, or arg! Do you still do it, if it means that much to your friend? How important is it, when do your emotions get so strong that they come before those of a friend you truly care about? And how do you convey to your friend why its so hard t say yes?

What exactly are you asking me to do? - I ask

What they ask to them may not seem such a huge deal, but to you its got so many issues and your caught in it. How can I say yes when it kills me to think of the implications of that little word - "okay".

How much dose it mean to you?

Do I take the plunge, dive to where I can no longer even see my comfort zone? I’m going in deep this time..."okay – I’ll do it"

Butterfly’s wings

2006-09-24T23:36:00.000+10:00

Who would love a butterfly without its colourful wings?
Who would love a bird without the song it sings?
Who would love the world without its gentle grace?
Who would love a girl without beauty in her face?

Delicate wings of soft powdered blue,
Spots of white, full of virtue.
Wings woven of embedded fire,
And for her,
Eyes that light up desire.

Thankful:

2006-09-23T00:04:00.000+10:00

That you’re with me in my solitude,
That you speak the language of silence.
That you know the taste of tears,
That you know how to take my fears,
That you hold me in your arms.

That you knew enough to challenge me
- You cared enough to push
- You loved enough to cleanse
- You cherished enough to save.

That you’re with me in my darkness,
That you speak your words clear.
That you know the feel of pain,
That you know how to take my sin;
That you hold me in your love.

That you knew enough to challenge me
- You cared enough to push
- You loved enough to cleanse
- You cherished enough to save.

The Water Bottle Incident:

2006-09-21T21:08:00.000+10:00

Setting: Yesterday afternoon, I'm walking to the bus stop with a friend. Someone, a total stranger to me joins us. My friend knows him and starts talking to him, but ther is no introduction. The scene is set.

My friend was carrying a water bottle with her, and shook it at the stranger, pretending to throw water at him. The stranger says you can, I take the bottle from her, and take off the lid. Slowly and precariously I turn the bottle giving him plenty of time to dodge or tell me to stop. The drip some water falls on his head. the Icing on the cake "Hi I'm Sazzy".

Minutes later my friend was taking a drink. I grabbed the water bottle, when she was pulling hard, I let go. She aimed perfectly and got wet, though most of it went over her shoulder.

Later, it fully hit me what I did - A perfect stranger (blushes violently) who knows....arg - woops! I also later descovered that he is both a member of the P & C and the school radio and a year ahead of me in school!

So what’s the most insane thing that’s happened to you around a perfect stranger...?

Compatibility

2006-09-21T20:48:00.000+10:00

Why is it that people are not compatible?
Why is it that to you I'm so forgettable?
Why is it I make you mad?
Why is it just so bad?
Why do you drive me crazy?
While I wonder if you’re being lazy.

I don’t know you well enough to be picking this fight
Because it brings flaws in my personality to light
I don’t want to treat you this way
But it seems like my only way.
Just tell me how to stop
Coz I’m just digging in deeper
And the further I go the more I become weaker

The Poetry I Knew

2006-09-20T22:06:00.000+10:00

You Changed the world I always loved
The poetry I knew
Your version is contorted and deformed,
Why ask for creativity that is restricted and estranged?
Why not ask for a butterfly that is coiled up in chains?
You want to hold my hand while I chisel out a script.
How many more pains do you intend to inflict?

It’s easier this way - you say
My response:
Creativity was never meant to be cadged for display

You cut off its wings while it flew mid air
And I'm powerless to catch the bird - and that makes it so unfair.

The poem, the script, the piece of art,
It’s a piece I broke off my heart.
I break it off and hand it in,
You grade it and beak it - that piece off who I am

That is why I hate to hand it in unfinished.
Because the quality is diminished,

...And that quality was a piece of me.

The dreaded word - "Feelings"

2006-09-17T01:10:00.000+10:00

Ages ago I wrote a poem, about a guy. I know where I stand with him. But in my mind I sometimes cross that ivisble barrier between friendship, and something more. I wonder "What if?". Then I wonder how I could ever consider that, because were just friends, thats the way it is meant to stay...

My Quote:

2006-09-17T01:07:00.000+10:00

"Drowning in a world which no longer exists"

I try to hold onto a reality which has already dissapeared through the mysts of time. I sink into a reality that is now intirely fiction. Drowning.

Behind blue eyes

2006-06-18T19:37:00.000+10:00

Watching through eyes of grey,
I see the world in a diffrent light today.
As I wonder at my innocence,
I wonder at a world of poisons.
I never questioned,
And still do not, because Im afraid of the answers.

I'll forget the things I've seen,
Wash the world with tears to cleen.

Is silence to betray?
It torments me, through the day.
But as I settle down tonight,
I'll forgett, and see the world from childs light.
because its safer to have eyes of blue,
to hide the grey, and pretend the world is new.

Reminiscent of dandelions

2006-06-17T19:46:00.000+10:00

Reminiscent of dandy lions.
My life, and emotions float on an ocean breeze,
Cloudless sky's are warning of impeding storms, as I fly above the crashing waves.
My life is reminiscent of dandelions,
But I am not scared because God is the creator of the breeze.

Drowning in a world which nolonger exists...

2006-06-17T19:43:00.000+10:00

The reality I knew and loved no longer exists.
The world I once tried to escape is now the world I cling too
The claws of time reach out to possess the past,
To cover it with mysts of forgotten time.
Each day I sink further into a past, no longer a reality
I could reach for understanding but a terrible thing comes with clarity,
Its the undestanding that the past is a forgotten moment,
And I refuse to allow you to sink into depths of foregotten time
I will stay here wit you,
So I cling,
And I claw
I kick,
And I scream
To remain in the past.
I refuse reason,
I am drowning in a world which no longer exists.
Waves of time threaten to envelop my present, because my present is your past.

Fantacy

2006-06-09T23:38:00.000+10:00

I live in a world of fantacy,
I live in a world of dreams
They threaten to captivate me
So I forget the reality of life
As I travel through pages
and delve through epic tails
I drift away from the stages
Of life I'd rather forget,
and live life without regrett.

Screaming in my ears

2006-05-24T19:30:00.000+10:00

If thats the way you'd say your sorry,
If thats the way I'd here your appology,
You can stuff your words, back down your throat.
I'd rather nothing, than words that smote; my heart.
But there's a problem with this life I lead,
Its a double life that makes me bleed.
hating you is hating me
Its a genetic certaity.
The reason that it hurts so bad,
Is because I love you mad.

A lost moment...

2006-05-23T21:48:00.000+10:00

They stood on the doorstep. Below the car was waiting for her. Nothing was in her way but him. Their eyes met, there was a moment, a connection, a realisation that something was meant to happen. Some sort of contact was required, a hug, a kiss, even a hand shake. She was aware that this was a moment once lost - lost forever....

As I stood under your porch light looking below I turned and saw two eyes. They drew me in. It was as if the whole world had conspired to create this moment that was destined to be ignored. At that moment, if your hand met mine, if I gave you a hug, or your lips touched mine the conspiracy would have been completed, but we sidestepped in an intricate dance, smoother than silk was that movement, but it did not entirely cover up the fact that their was a moment, when your eyes strayed to mine....

A forgotten moment:
Their under the porch light, with a car waiting below,
There was a moment, some days ago.
A moment of time that seemed divine,
When your eyes met with the gaze of mine.
A moment that was meant to be,
But never anything but fantasy.

..like and disappearing from under your feet
a moment is to fleet..

Under the scattered light,
Of drawing night.
The porch aglow,
And a car waiting below.
Our eyes met, and, drew in close
To a moment as I suppose,
Was the same to you as it was to me,
A moment, awkward and free
Under the orange glow,
Something never happened, that’s the way life goes.
Full of moments that never are fulfilled,
The moment your eyes met mine
Was a destiny in time,
To never be fulfilled..

I'll Play the Part.

2006-05-05T21:53:00.000+10:00

Surround me with werewolves
I'll play the victim.
Surround me with clowns,
I'll play the laughter.
Surround me with anger,
I'll play the sadness.
Surround me with God,
I'll be his daughter.
- I am his daughter

Closure:

2006-05-04T22:06:00.000+10:00

I miss you, still wonder where you are.
If when I look up, you are under the same star.
The wind wails, like your voice carried on the wind,
A calling, I call back, to the message, it tries to send.
It wasn't so long ago,
That you disappeared, and so
Some nights I'll keep on calling,
Till tears come drawing,

From my eyes.
From the cold,
From the pain.

I just need closure,
To know and be really shore.
Just one way,
But I don't see closure, today.
All I see is a night sky,
As the wounds heal, the tears begin to dry.

A childs world:

2006-05-02T17:14:00.000+10:00

A child runs toward something, focused entirely, as only a child can be. There is only one thing in his world, one goal, one objective, one destination. He trips, landing hard, face down in the dirt. Sitting up he is slightly dazed. He looks round. He notices his knee. At the sight of blood he starts bawling. It’s just a scraped knee. Like any kid he’s done it a thousand times and will do it a thousand times again. But that doesn’t slow the rush of sudden tears streaming down his dirty face.

He cries because he sees he’s been damaged, and that’s when we cry. We cry when we see blood, we cry when we see someone has wronged us, hurt us. Tears stream down dirty checks making a clear line in the grit. When we fall down we cry we scream we rage. But that’s ok, if we can get up again a minute later, just like every child dose.

.... His mother runs to him and gathers him in her arms, holds him close. When the anguished wails subside she checks the damage. Minutes later, after a slightly stingy clean up and a bandaid have been administered, he is up and off again, happiest child in the world.

Hiding.

2006-04-29T02:15:00.000+10:00

My refuge has become my cage. I am confined to my safety zone. Scared of the outside. Eyes penetrate no further than skin and I am judged not by who I am but what I look like. I am to you who I appear to be. Only in my confines do I feel free. My comfort zone has become my only place of safety.

I am a caged animal whose cage door is constantly left open, but I am scared of the world that has no bars to protect me. No curtains to shield me from eyes. Eyes in sunknen eyelids burn my soul more than the sun ever could. I am a bird who cannot fly, stuck in a nest high above the crags. Out there I am a fish out of water, a rabbit in the open with no burrow. A mouse cowering in a corner, out there I fear the act of survival.

...And yet I would not be a slave to my own fears. I would not give the satisfaction to the narrow-minded, I would not back down from the fight, I would not be ruled, because I am my own. If I were to allow your belief to break me, I would have already lost.

But; I have no intention of losing, I'm far too stuborn for that :p

What dose it mean to be beautiful?

2006-04-28T20:10:00.000+10:00

If beauty is on the inside, what is the word for the outside? For surely, they can not be one in the same, they are too different. For though, a rose of any other name may smell as sweet, if every flower was called a rose; roses would loose there status.

Am I beautiful?

2006-04-27T23:36:00.000+10:00

If I wore a cape, so you could not see my curves,
Would I be beautiful?
If I am shy and riddled with nerves?

If my clothes covered my hands and face,
Would I be beautiful?
If they had no decoration, button or lace?

If I wore no jewelry, trinket or charm,
Would I be beautiful?
If I was decorated, by nothing, but skin on arm?

I want to be beautiful, beautiful to you.

If I played hard to get
Would I be more beautiful?
Coz I don't want you to forget - me

If I painted on my face, a mask of gold.
Would I be more beautiful?
Coz that's what were told.

If I shortened the line of my skirt,
Would I be more beautiful?
Coz for the same reason I tightened my shirt.

If I lowered my neck line
would I be more beautiful?
Coz I thought I looked just fine

But I want to be beautiful, beautiful to you.

How the world works

2006-04-24T22:59:00.000+10:00

If you are brought up in a privileged family, you are likely to be better equipped to change the world. The question is will you want to? If you are privileged what is the incentive to decrease your own circumstance to improve that of others? To make the world a fairer place. Is that ever going to be enough?

If the truth will make you cry, would you settle for a lie?

2006-04-23T23:00:00.000+10:00

I remember when I found out that Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny didn’t exist. It was some one younger than myself who told me the terrible truth. Later I asked my mum if it was true. She told me yes. It was true. I remember crying. It was like they had died.

Next Christmas, instead of waiting with anticipation for the answer to my letter I was helping my mum fill my brothers stocking, it was fun. But since finding out the thrill of presents appearing each year lost meaning. I love the gifts, but it will never be the same. Nothing ever is over time.

I don’t relate this story because I believe the soul of my Christmas disappeared that year, not at all. The meaning of Christmas is celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, singing happy birthday to baby Jesus. The story merely demonstrates a point.

I love to believe in things, that anything is possible, that I can change the world- and I can. I would hate to see my future before me, before it even happened. I would suffocate if there was nothing to believe in. This being said I also don’t want to be cushioned with lies. It is often more painful to here a truth than a lie. Even so I'd still take the truth because it is real. Dose that mean I want people to tell little children not to believe in pixies and elves, no let them believe, its good to have something to believe in! I would rather know the truth if I held false hope, but if there is still some hope to be had or my belief is not going to hurt anyone, including myself, let me believe, because with belief I can fly.

The Night Hours:

2006-04-22T13:16:00.000+10:00

The seduction of sweet sleep dose not allure me tonight.
The beckoning of dreams dose not entice.
The world of dreams dose not beckon me tonight.

My mind just keeps on racing.
And there is no relief tonight.
All watchers are fast asleep.
And so I keep watch tonight.

The Night Hours:
The dreamy beckon of another world, which I can never remember in my waking hours. Where do I go at night, while my mind keeps ticking over; that purely palace of dreams is a place I alone create. My dreams; a reflection of my thoughts through the waking hours. But yet I am not privy to the deepest workings of my mind in the late hours of the night.

I rarely remember dreams. I wish I remembered them more often. They are fascinating to think over. All laws of reality are defied and anything can be real. Dreams are nothing like the Hollywood versions, which are far too logical and not nearly creative enough. Hollywood versions of dreams are much more like daydreams, than the inner working of freely flying imagination.

"If nothing changed there would be no butterflies."

2006-04-18T23:15:00.000+10:00

If nothing changed from today we'd still have all the butterflies that tomorrow will be dead...

We all say we wish nothing would change, or that we could go back to yesterday. We ask for time to stand still, and our lives to stop moving, because we feel we have no control. I want to go back in time or stop a moment. Why? We are scared of the future, want to avoid it, we hate change and want to avoid the pain it brings. But do we real realize what were asking for.

If time were to stand still there would be no more birth, no more death, no more rehabilitation, no more disappointments, no more achievements. Someone would stay on a high, while another would never stop crying. There would be no more suprises, we would be stuck with what we have now. No more trees would be cut down, but no more would be panted. No one else would go bankrupt, but no one would recover from bankruptcy either.

If from today nothing would change there would be no more death, but no more birth. Life would stay the same, which itself would be the biggest change of all.

"You can never go back to yesterday, or ever reach tomorrow."

2006-04-16T19:55:00.000+10:00

I think some days I'd like to go back to the days of oblivion, but oblivion is no way to live-at least not today, because today I will make a difference. Every day you make a difference, for better or worse. For yourself, or someone else...

Do you ever hold it inside, not say the things you need to and then it all comes bursting out of you? You spill your guts out, and cry. You just keep talking and talking. It all comes out. More than you should have said. When your alone again, you feel - empty. Empty inside, an empty bottle which is all poured out. Often you've poured it all out, to the wrong ears. Ones that weren't listening, or understanding. Or a heart that is not close enough to your own to know your deepest secrets.

Then sometimes a person is too young to here what's being said. They are open ears open eyes and open hearts. When your growing up, just as I discovered last year, you discover the world isn't full of rainbows. We all deal in different ways, some people close off, express it through art, wright poems or stories, or even songs. Some cry themselves to sleep at night, some change there wardrobe or group of friends I don't know if its a cry for help or a coping mechanism. But somehow we all gotta deal. We all need someone to lean on, but sometimes we lean too heavily...

Then there is the other end of the spectrum. The times you have a conversation with someone that at the end of the day, didn't have any purpose or go anywhere. Its Usually between two friends who really need to talk but instead, "how are you" "fine". Just fine....

Determination!

2006-04-16T19:12:00.000+10:00

Dont tell me I cant, I can!
Dont tell me I wont, I will!
Dont tell me I dont, I do!

A Perfect Stranger

2006-04-16T18:12:00.000+10:00

A perfect stranger knows all your secrets, why because they don't know you, or any of your acquaintances, they cant let slip, and you don't have to be embarrassed every time you meet coz hey, you aren't going to see them again. With a perfect stranger you can just let spill. People don't necessarily do so, but well, it can happen so lets continue:

The perfect stranger would have these six qualities:
1. Under no circumstance should they re appear in your life unless its in the chick flick style this is the only acception to this rule.
2. They should totally care they don't necessarily show it but should (like the grumpy old man in a movie everyone knows is a softy)
3. They should have some life experience, or atleast a different perspective, a young person is a great new perspective.
4. This is really important, they need to be able to handle what there hearing.
5. They should just be the person you need when you feel your friends are too close.
6. And finally they should never have there own adjender!

So what do you recon, are you the perfect candidate to be someone's "Perfect Stranger"? Do you have one. Are you one?

Wake up Call

2006-04-11T09:30:00.000+10:00

I woke up this morning to the gentle sound of increasing louder knocks at my door. Knock, knock, knock – pause - Knock, knock, knock -pause- Knock, knock, knock -pause. "Mmm, Come in", half asleep, dad walks in "Are you awake? Its about nine o'clock" I mean is there any particular reason you woke me up to tell me this! I was awake really late and needed to catch up on my sleep. Then he commits almost a worse crime, he leaves my door wide open, forcing me to get up and close it! I HATE people leaving my door open! HATE IT!!!!!! So by then I was totally riled up and new there was no way I was gonna be able to get to sleep again! So I got up and decided to post a message of my displeasure.

I’m thinking of designing a notice for my door, something about letting sleeping teens alone, and never leaving my door open! The only problem is that sometimes its got to be left open for my darling cat Peppy.

'Just a Friend'

2006-04-10T17:51:00.000+10:00

A neutral agreement is what we made,
'Just a Friend' that's the way it stayed.
He's there when I laugh and when I've got to cry,
He's there to tell me to give my failure another try.
..but he says, she says "a lot like love.."

When he's around life is fun,
To just be myself, and watch a setting sun.
When he's around Ill just be me,
Friendship is always the hidden key.
..but he says, she says "a lot like love.."

I'll talk about the fun times we have together,
'coz our friendship handles any weather.
I'll think about you time to time.
Its not like friendship is a conspiracy or crime.
..but he says, she says "a lot like love.."

Day Dreamer...

2006-04-09T19:27:00.000+10:00

Have you ever got caught out day dreaming in class? I got caught out really badly a few weeks ago. I was in maths and I just totally zoned out. I had the wierdest day dream ever! It was about those really expensive truffle things. Anyway truffles are really hard to find. Pigs are trained to find them, and this is a really expensive procedure because when they're training them they've got to let the pig eat them when they find them, and at the moment you've got to find them because they haven't figured out how to grow them, but there really close in Tasmania. Anyway, back to my day dream...There was this guy out with his pig looking for truffes and there was this other guy who was also out in the bush he saw the pig appear, and shot it. Then the man who owned the pig came out of the scrub and was like you shot m pig!, anyhow the other guy is like its ok I can pay fr a new pig, and the other guy is like your going to have to pay me a lot because do you have any idea how expensive there are to train! Anyway its while these figment's of my imagination are having an argument in my head that my maths teacher is like so "saz" what's the next step in this equation, and I was like what? What??? And he's like "Got ya!"

Cardboard Cutouts

2006-04-09T19:01:00.000+10:00

We were driving back from a trip in a city about three hours drive from home. We watched the sun set, and the stars come out. I had this feeling that I was waiting for something. Yes, I was waiting for those cardboard cutouts to appear on the side of the road. I could come up with a new way of describing them. When I was litte I described them as cardboard cutouts, the high beam lights of the car turn trees into cardboard cutouts by the side of the road. Flat and grey. But time passed and still they did not appear, those cardboard cutouts reminiscent of driving to my aunty's farm, late at night. I craved the flat trees that would transport me back 10 years or so, yet still they did not appear. "Dad you don't have the high beam lights on do you?" "No, because if I did the headlights would shine strait into the rear view mirror of the bloke ahead of us." We over took him, the lights were turned on. The cardboard cutouts were reminiscent but not the same, I think I needed to be sitting in the front seat but they were still reminders to me of the fist time I said "Mum those trees look like cardboard cut outs."

..The torment of life known as exams...

2006-04-06T17:40:00.000+10:00

Butterflies in my stomach,
Start to feel I wnat to chuck.
Enter the room, the chair scrapes,
Prepare your table, everyone waits.
Pen, paper,
Pencil, eraser.
Here's the paper you've been preparing for,
Don't touch! Its law,
Start-now, one hour,
Look down, begin to cower.
10 minutes left,
No time to rest.
Pens down, please,
collapse, to your knees.
Papers collected,
Do I get an a or did I wreck it
Either way its over now
and in a week well know how
we went.

..throw me a line ''coz I'm slipping"

2006-04-05T20:45:00.000+10:00

Why dose everything have to change. Why don’t I know my own little neish in the way of things. Why do my friends suddenly feel like strangers, my strangers like friend. Why am I scared to hang with people I trust? Why being the biggest person in a room do I try to pretend I'm the smallest? Is that why I’m so quiet? Why is doing homework more fun than hanging with my friends? Why is it that I didn’t know that you have a boyfriend, or I don’t know the name of half your friends? Why do I feel like my little neish is falling into a giant chasm. Why do I wish I was you? Why can’t I ask you for what I need? What do I need? Why am I part of nothing, but still everything? I’m at the surface of everything but only in the depths of my own mind, that scary place I have to avoid. Why dose that sad story I wrote seem to have a part of me inside? Am I just a pathetic tag-a-long that no one really needs around? Because if you don’t need me, why am I here, or there. Why am I here. WHY please, someone throw me a rope, because the me that was coming out of my shell is slipping back inside, and there is nothing to hold on too. I’m slipping into the depths of I don’t know where, where I want to be I couldn’t tell you but its not here, because I don’t fit.

If you offered me anything...

2006-04-05T19:32:00.000+10:00

If I could have one more thing,
If I could do anything.

If I could laugh, if I could cry,
If I could plunge into the sky.

If I could sing if I could dance,
If I could visit Paris even France,

I'd say no to all, 'coz with my last breath,
All I want to do is say-I love you,
Before I succumb to death.

who am I, myself.

2006-03-19T00:06:00.000+11:00

I' m really excited about my blog, and I haven’t yet really introduced myself. To start with I'm a bit of a paranoid person so well there is no way our gonna know who I really am but I like to call myself Sazzy, call me Saz.
I’m a vegetarian girl, approximately 16 y.o. why am I vegetarian, well once upon a time there was this gorgeous cow which I absolutely fell in love with, it was too cute! THE END
I’m also a cat person
My particular skills include bad spelling, procrastination, staying up late when I really need sleep and singing really off key!
Who am I well.....

"The way we imagine ourselves to appear to another person is an essential element in our conception of ourselves. In other words, I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I AM WHAT I THINK YOU THINK I AM." -Robert Bierstedt

One of my goals in life is to have someone say "sweet dreams" to me of there own achord, It may have happened a long time ago but I dont remember, people have been real cloce, I think the clocest was "sweet sleep" or something like that, I just think its realy sweet, a beautifull concept...

Anyhow, I have a theory (I have lots of those) the theory is I'm going to bed, so sweet dreams guys!

..an end is a new beguinning...

2006-03-18T23:43:00.000+11:00

Here's something I figured out recently, I dont like the saying "Im right behind you" I dont like having to follow my friends to tag allong behind, nor do I like them to follow me.

Im not right behind you coz Im right beside you!

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.-- Albert Camus

Hi, Im just another girl, with just another blog, just anther individual whos got something, or nothing, to say. Im just another girl in just another home with just another experience to share.

I go to school, avoid my homework, watch tv, write, read, just another person in this crazy world.